The best excuse I ever heard.

The drunk stick is a tale of the best excuse I ever heard.

Back in the day when Universities selected rather than marketed and tutors spoke to students individually, I was given pastoral responsibility for some fresher’s (yeah that’ll be the responsible me). Within my care was a young southern Irish fellow who was really struggling to come to terms with the end of fresher’s week. Indeed when rarely sighted in daylight hours, he appeared to be headed for the Rugby Fields. By week eight other tutors began to notice and it was up to me to remind our young friend of his academic obligations. I sent a letter, phoned his home, and finally collared him outside the student union (on his way in !). We set up a meeting and he didn’t turn up. I sent the official first warning letter and he phoned to set up a meeting at 10:00 am a few days later. The day of the meeting at 10:00, our chum was a no show. He did finally show up at four in the afternoon and this is what I heard (the names have been changed to protect the innocent):


Brendon; Oh hello sir (in deep Irish accent) I’m so so sorry to be late sir honest I am.

81st: Really ? (sarcasm)

Brendon: Yes yes for sure, I am sir yes, honest, see it wasn’t my fault I really, really did mean to get here at ten……

81st: You were delayed then ? (arches eyebrow)

Brendon: Oh yessir I surely did it just well….gasp…

81st: You don’t appear to have any broken bones…….

Brendon: No sir it wasn’t like that – it was just that last night I was walking home one my own minding my own business….when I got caught…

81st: Caught by whom ?

Brendon: I got caught walking past the dark doorway of this bar….when suddenly a shadow jumped out and beat me wit de drunk stick…..

81st: A Drunk stick ? (both eyebrows raised )

Brendon: Yes Sir the shadow hit me round the head with the drunk stick and he hurt me so he did. In fact he hit me so hard that I had a terrible headache this mornin’ and had to stay in bed ‘til it went away…..that’s why I’m late (triumphantly !)

81st: So does this happen often and is there any way we can help you circumnavigate this particular door way in future (trying to suppress peals of laughter)

Brendon: It’s funny you should say that I was givin’ the matter some thought myself…

81st: Well that does sound like good news…….

I believe that Brendon abandoned his original course of study in favour of medicine ?